Resilience is often described as a kind fortitude and teeth-gritting willpower that pushes one to do something they do not want to do, “for their own good”. When I see kids being persistent in solving a problem on their own accord in their lessons, not wanting to stop even when I suggest that they do-that to me is clear resilience on display. And I think it comes from simply believing that something is truly important to them. Kids who initially told me they just had no patience for slow practice, or the little ones who might get teary when we stayed on a problem for too long-I watch them grow to become thinking beings who take ownership and pride of their learning and work-to develop resilience as human beings. That, to me, is the heart of education or learning.

By the same token, I see kids not feeling the safety to simply stay connected to themselves, and I see the direct correlation between that and what might come off as indication of relatively low ability or intelligence. It’s not that everyone with (intellectual) intelligence is emotionally healthy, but you can bet that manifestation of intelligence comes at a cost of many compensations; and the functioning made only possible by hidden suffering. Sometimes the difference isn’t in levels of intelligence but capacity. Some kids are already maxed out on just trying to survive when they can’t even connect to themselves.

I don’t think resilience in adults is that much more complicated. Whether it is related to making a decision on what the right thing to do is, or what to be persistent about-it still goes back to what’s important to you. Important in that deepest way to the self. In the way that kids feel and know, if allowed. In the way that the Little Prince (the book) describes “matters of consequences”. Whether it is about personal relationships or love or morality, it all comes down to just that: what is deeply important to you. And if someone recognizes what it means for something to be truly important to them, if that voice is allowed to flourish and the person is encouraged and helped to stay connected to it, you have the resilience that will be a strong anchor of your life.